Counseling Skill 101: Empathy

Empathy is joining another person’s emotional journey.  It is foundational to the counseling relationship.  If a counselor is empathetic, the client will most likely feel heard and understood.  If a counselor not so empathetic, a client could walk away feeling alienated or judged.  Empathy is the glue that helps join the counselor and client together as they work through life’s issues.  

Perfect definitions of empathy are hard to come by; in some ways it is easier to explain empathy by what it is not.  First of all, empathy is not sympathy.  Sympathy is feeling bad for someone or to feel pity for someone.  Sympathy looks through binoculars at someone struggling to climb a mountain, whereas empathy joins them on their hike.  Empathy is also not selfish; it requires that the counselor takes their needs out of the equation as much as possible to meet the client where they are.  Empathy helps the counselor walk with the clients through their own perspective of hard situations.  Lastly, empathy is not judgmental.  A counselor may not agree with every reaction or decision of a client, but that is not necessary to understand and validate genuine emotions.  Joining with another person for a part of their story requires openness and acceptance while leaving room for different beliefs.

Learning ways to become more empathetic will pay off almost immediately as friends and family feel more understood and safe in conversations.  It may be hard to put yourself in another person’s emotional shoes, but like most skills it becomes easier with practice.  Empathy is an art as well as a skill, so there is not one way to do it or step by step method of learning.  Some people have a natural empathy, where it comes easily into relationships.  Others have to work at it to incorporate it into their day-to-day life.  Be on the look out when others come alongside you with empathy and make an effort of come alongside others.  Be creative and have fun connecting to those around you - especially when spending time with family and friends this holiday season!