To Fellow Strugglers

Below is a portion of an email that I received from a friend.  A friend that struggles through this life with depression, anxiety, and fear.  A friend who takes anti-depressants, who sees a counselor, who has a network of people to support her.  But also a friend that is hurting and fighting for peace, strength, and clarity through hard times.  Below is a portion of how she genuinely seeks the Lord as her one true hope.  

So I started whittling...while doing such, through meditation about reflection and preparation as well as some Scripture I had flowing through my mind, it was made clear to me the poor state of my spirit and soul.  You see, I was carving wood.  Simple enough.  I thought about the wooden idols in the Bible.  I thought about how I am getting owned by all my idols.  It became very clear, that although I don't worship Baal or Molech and I don't have an Asherah pole, I have been trying to find satisfaction and fulfillment in stuff that I do, like exercising more or eating healthier, or things that I buy, like new shoes or clothes or toys.  There are also things that I want to do, like travel and go on adventures, and things that I want to buy, like a gun or a dog, because maybe if I did, then I'd be whole and complete.  

Now I realize, none of these things are intrinsically bad, but they seem to entangle me.  They distract me.  They frustrate me, because I don't follow through on any of it.  The thing is, they are all rather big commitments that either require me to make a lifestyle change and/or invest a significant amount of time and money, so I hesitate. I weigh the possibilities.  I figure the status quo isn't so bad. Then we come back to whittling, it’s no wonder I actually follow through and try it -- it's easy and simple.  No big commitment or major change required.  

You see, the fact is, I am stuck, seemingly unwilling to go all in for the cause of Christ. Incapable of giving all that I am and all that I have to follow him.  This haunts and torments me.

So what is it? Why am I stuck? How do I move on? What is holding me back?!

Its fear, lots of different fears, but the biggest one is the fear of being exposed (I have a strong desire to NOT be the light).  So I decided to continue searching for more and made a list of some bad things and of some good things that could happen if my sin is exposed.  

Three follow-up questions came to mind:
1- Do I want to experience the good more than I want to avoid the bad?
2- Do I trust God?
3- If I don't (want the good more or trust God), what can I do to change it? 

My answers to these questions: PRAY and choose to anyway (fake it 'til you make it?!)

So I'm left to ponder how I will fake it 'til I make it.  Is that the beauty of obedience?  Is that walking by faith and not by sight? Is that foolish or simple? 

Not really sure where this leads, but it’s where I'm at.

To me, this is a beautiful expression of struggle and faith and wanting to feel better by doing things the right way.  My friend whittles to draw close to the Lord and find healing in life's hard places.  What do you use to enter into the healing and comforting presence of God?